Day Twenty-One: Something I Miss

Something I miss?

Being younger.

If I had a do over and knowing what I know now back then, I would have slowed down and appreciated life more. I wouldn’t do the things that I regret now. I would have been a better daughter, instead of the hell cat I was with my mom. A better friend. Maybe not so boy crazy! LOL I would have taken more chances and risks by betting on myself. I would have just made better choices all around. Some of my invisible scars run so deep, but I can’t say that the lessons were worth receiving them.

Day Nineteen: My Worst Habits

My worst habits…this should be fun because I’m harder on myself than anyone else.

Procrastination. I don’t care what it is, I usually put it off to the last minute. I don’t know why because it drives me nuts that I do it.

Cussing. I don’t do it around Sadie. Mainly it’s all internal now, unless I get super angry. I used to cuss so bad I could make a sailor blush. Baaaaaaad habit I picked up from my mom. It’s one of those things that I hated about myself, so I changed it.

Holding in feelings, especially anger, until I reach the point that I explode. I’ve always done it, but I’ve gotten a little better at expression when things happen now.

Having lazy days where the most I can be proud of is at least the kid is clean, happy, and healthy.

Letting others annoy me. Certain things just get to me. I can’t help it.

Being too blunt. I speak without thinking most of the time. My mouth has no filter. I prefer people be honest rather than try to spare my feelings and sometimes I forget that not everyone appreciates the same thing. Some would rather be fooled by a lie, than hurt by the truth. I’m the exact opposite.

There’s more, I’m sure, but those are the only ones I can think of right now.

Day Eighteen: What Am I Afraid Of?

What am I afraid of? So many things, really. Then again, not much. It’s confusing.

Tight, small spaces

Heights

Really deep water

Spiders

Snakes – venomous ones

Dying because I would have to leave Sadie

Failing as a mom

Cancer

Evil

Settling for less than I deserve

There’s more, but that’s pretty much scratched off the surface.

Day Seventeen: Favorite Childhood Book

Favorite childhood book hands down, ‘Charlotte’s Web’.

When I was 7, I went as Fern for Halloween. No joke. I wish my mom had taken pictures of it that year.

It’s a book set on a farm. A little girl that loved animals, especially her little pet pig. And a wise, kind spider that pulled the whole story together. How could you not love it?

I read and re-read my paperback copy so often that it fell apart. I cried when my mom threw it away! Even though she’d gotten a hardback copy to replace it, I still wanted to keep the first one.

I can’t wait to read it to Sadie. Hopefully she’ll love it as much as I did.

Day Sixteen: Dream Job

Y’all will probably laugh, but honestly, I would love to be a librarian.

Surrounded by hushed voices and books. Endless row upon row of books. *sigh* I’d probably be fired the first day because I’d likely build a fort in a corner somewhere and want to read the day away. I used to be such a bookworm! LOL

Day Fifteen: Timeline of My Day

Timeline of my day? Really? I’m a SAHM, it rarely changes from one day to the next.

I feed the kid, change the kid, bathe the kid, read, play, sing, laugh at the kid, and do physical therapy with the kid.

I eat really quick when she goes to sleep, then use the bathroom and crash until she wakes up. I nap when she does. I do chores when she’s asleep.

The only time this ever changes is if she has an appointment with the pediatrician, neurologist, or NICU Graduate Clinic.

Sometimes her dad is home from being on the road all week, and I still take care of her because he’s exhausted and catching up on sleep.

I’m a mom. My life revolves around the tiny human I grew and gave birth to. There are days when all I have heard is baby babble and the sound of another adult is so foreign that I just soak it up. English? Yeah, I used to speak that. Now I’m fluent in “Ma ma ma ma ma – shrill shriek – ba ba ba ba googledy gurgle da nuh!!”. Somehow I just figured out what the little person was trying to say and I do it.